Episode 16
Being vulnerable and I CANNOT BELIEVE I have been HIDING THIS!
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Today, I'm getting real about something I've been hiding for too long—my disability. I recently decided to film my morning routine, and it opened my eyes to how much I've kept away from the world. It turns out, I’ve been living in a way that doesn’t fully embrace my reality. I realized that I’m not just Stephen, the guy with a podcast; I’m also Stephen, who is paralyzed and needs a lot of support. By sharing this part of my life, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. It's all about being honest and showing up as my true self, imperfections and all.
Here is the link to the video: https://youtu.be/UdVvo3u7QPI
It's no secret that I am severely paralysed, I broke when neck when I was 18. It left me a C5 complete tetraplegic/quadriplegic which means my arms and legs are both paralysed. To be honest, most of my body is paralysed.
It's not something I focus on a lot or at least is not something that I share very often. Yes, I say I'm paralysed, but to go into detail like I have in this podcast is something entirely different.
I am a C5 complete tetraplegic/quadriplegic. This is my morning routine, I don't normally share such vulnerability however I think it's time I did.
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Takeaways:
- This podcast is about my journey of revealing my disability to the world.
- I realized I've been hiding a big part of my life due to my paralysis.
- Sharing my experience of being disabled has brought me unexpected relief and freedom.
- We often hide behind our imperfections, but embracing them can lead to deeper connections.
- I believe we all have something we're hiding, and it's okay to show our true selves.
- Living authentically means accepting and sharing who we really are, flaws and all.
Living Deeper Lives dives into the heartfelt journey of Stephen Webb as he reflects on his life and the hidden aspects of his disability. He opens up about his experience of being paralyzed and how, despite his public persona and social media presence, he often kept the reality of his condition under wraps. Stephen candidly discusses the struggles he faced with self-acceptance and the fear of being vulnerable. A pivotal moment comes when he decides to film his morning routine, showcasing the raw realities of his life. This act of transparency not only serves as a personal liberation but also highlights the importance of being open about our struggles. Stephen encourages listeners to consider what they might be hiding in their own lives, urging them to embrace their true selves without shame. The episode is a powerful reminder of the strength found in vulnerability and authenticity, inviting us all to reflect on our own journeys of self-acceptance and connection with others.
Transcript
Hey, welcome to Living Deeper Lives.
Speaker A:I'm Stephen Webb, your host, and I was thinking about what happened here this morning and the last couple of days, and I decided to let it all out in a podcast.
Speaker A:So this podcast is all about that.
Speaker A:I hope you enjoy.
Speaker A:I done something this morning that.
Speaker A:Something I wanted to do for a long time, but been terrified of doing it for so many reasons, and I did it.
Speaker A:And I cannot believe how much of my life I've been hiding away.
Speaker A:I really have.
Speaker A:And you may think, well, he's got 60,000 followers on Facebook, 110 or 105.
Speaker A:I don't know how many on Twitter.
Speaker A:I put videos out.
Speaker A:I'm doing this podcast.
Speaker A:But there's a huge part of my life that I hold away from.
Speaker A:I hide it away from the public, and it's so visible, it's so obvious to anybody I meet, yet I hide it.
Speaker A:And this part of my life is my disability, me being paralyzed.
Speaker A:It's not because I deliberately go.
Speaker A:I don't want anybody to know I'm paralyzed.
Speaker A:I'm ashamed of it or anything.
Speaker A:I don't really know why, but I just tend to get on with my life.
Speaker A:I don't know whether I'm a good advocate for disabled people or a terrible advocate for disabled people.
Speaker A:I remember when, just after I broke my neck, after, I could start to talk and have my tracheotomy out, because for the first four months, I could not talk.
Speaker A:And I had a phone call from a friend of mine, Juliet and Lloyd, and they had a son called Lewis, and he was about five or six, I believe, at the time.
Speaker A:And Juliet said to me, lewis has got something he wants to say to you.
Speaker A:And they put him on the phone.
Speaker A:He held up.
Speaker A:He said, I've got a job for you.
Speaker A:It's like, okay.
Speaker A:He says, yeah.
Speaker A:I was in town the other day, and they were wheelchair dancing, and they said they would have a job for you when you come home.
Speaker A:And I just thought that was so cute.
Speaker A:Just such a wonderful, wonderful.
Speaker A:I don't know if it's naive or just optimistic or just, you know, he's in a wheelchair.
Speaker A:So there you go.
Speaker A:They're in a wheelchair as well.
Speaker A:Brilliant job.
Speaker A:Makes sense.
Speaker A:If you're short, be a jockey.
Speaker A:If you're tall, be a basketball player.
Speaker A:If you're in a wheelchair, be a wheelchair dancer.
Speaker A:So I thought that was a wonderful little thing.
Speaker A:But since then, I'm not a member of disabled clubs.
Speaker A:I don't go to meetups with people that are in a similar position.
Speaker A:Than me.
Speaker A:And I don't know whether it's because I avoid it.
Speaker A:I don't know whether it's because I don't want to see myself.
Speaker A:I have no idea.
Speaker A:This year, I did go to meet up with some other spinally injured.
Speaker A:The message come up on Facebook.
Speaker A:And so you come into the Christmas dinner and because it was all of us in the same chat, and I went and read it, I was like, ah, damn it.
Speaker A:I got kind of got a reply now, so.
Speaker A:So I said, yeah, I'll go.
Speaker A:So I went and met a few others and people I hadn't met.
Speaker A:And one of them looked up and said to me, it's so funny because on the way there, Diane, my friend, said to me, why don't you go to these things?
Speaker A:And I said, I don't know.
Speaker A:I don't want to hang around with them.
Speaker A:Do.
Speaker A:I was joking.
Speaker A:It was like, one thing as spinally injured people is we have a wonderful sense of humor, and we joke about being disabled all the time.
Speaker A:It's not something we're ashamed of, it's just something we are, and we have a laugh with it.
Speaker A:And I think if we said some of the jokes we say in private, in public, I don't think it would go down that well.
Speaker A:And even my daughter, we just joke a little bit.
Speaker A:So I got to this Christmas lunch.
Speaker A:It was an amazing Christmas lunch.
Speaker A:We all went in there, and I was sat next to a guy that I just met, and he looked up and said to me, he says, so why didn't you come and hang out with us?
Speaker A:How come we haven't met you before?
Speaker A:We've heard about you, but we haven't seen you.
Speaker A:And I just looked at Diane across the table and she laughed and I laughed, and he looked at me and goes, it's because you don't want to hang out with us.
Speaker A:Didn't it be honest?
Speaker A:And I just looked at him and fresh start laughing again.
Speaker A:Because he.
Speaker A:Yes, yes.
Speaker A:But that's not because I don't want to hang out with them.
Speaker A:Maybe there is something that I'm frightened of putting out there.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I'm on the city council.
Speaker A:I, you know, I join in with discussions, and when somebody stands up and mentions about something about disabled or something, I'm like, oh, I should have thought about that.
Speaker A:But I didn't.
Speaker A:It did not occur to me.
Speaker A:So I did something this morning that really has lightened something off me.
Speaker A:While I was waiting for the carers to come in, I thought, I'm gonna film them getting me out of bed.
Speaker A:I don't know why, but I was like, ready to do this.
Speaker A:It's like, come a time in my life where, you know, look, here I am.
Speaker A:I. I'm naked.
Speaker A:This is who I am.
Speaker A:You know, I got a pot belly.
Speaker A:I haven't got the perfect body.
Speaker A:I often joke about that.
Speaker A:I don't know if you ever remember that video from that was supposed to be from one of the alien autopsies.
Speaker A:And you got this little alien lying there with a pot belly.
Speaker A:Well, I often joke that that's my body with the little skinny legs and the pot belly.
Speaker A:And I tend to hide it.
Speaker A:I tend to do my lies from my just above my belly.
Speaker A:And I tend to not put any pictures out or anything like that.
Speaker A:Whereas yesterday on my live, I pulled back and say, hey, look, here's my belly and where's the gift in my belly?
Speaker A:Well, it stops me falling out when I go down the hill and have to stop suddenly.
Speaker A:It stops me chewing my knees whenever, you know, I have to stop suddenly and not run over somebody.
Speaker A:So it keeps me sat up.
Speaker A:What a wonderful gift that is.
Speaker A:Otherwise I wouldn't have to have seat belt in my wheelchair.
Speaker A:So this morning I. I said to the care, when they come in, I said, we're gonna film getting me out of bed.
Speaker A:And of course my bed route, my getting up morning routine is hoisting up in the air, going across the room and down into the shower chair, completely naked, completely bollock naked, everything hanging out.
Speaker A:You know, it really is not something that you would ever want the world to see.
Speaker A:But we filmed it.
Speaker A:We filmed our time lapse.
Speaker A:And I had a shower and I come out and I hoisted back up across the room, down onto the bed, got dressed and into the chair, got my tops on, and we checked the video.
Speaker A:And do you know, it wasn't too bad.
Speaker A:I had to cut a couple of frames, obviously, for obvious reasons, censorship.
Speaker A:But I uploaded it to my Inner Peace Academy group, and one of the members said to me, you know, I didn't realize how disabled you were.
Speaker A:And I put it on my Twitter and I got a couple of messages immediately.
Speaker A:I didn't even know you were disabled.
Speaker A:And of course, because I'm in the position I am, I broke my neck, I'm paralyzed.
Speaker A:I'm severely disabled.
Speaker A:And whenever someone says they're severely disabled, I always think of someone worse than me.
Speaker A:But then when I look at the levels of disability, if there is such a, like a scale of how disabled you Are, I'm pretty serious, you know, I can't walk, I cannot weight bear at all.
Speaker A:I need 24 hour care.
Speaker A:I suffer from condition called autonomic dysreflexia, which nearly all spinal injuries people do, which means if something goes wrong below my level of feeling creates hypertension, really seriously high and it can end up in a stroke or death.
Speaker A:And it needs user intervention by a trained member of staff very quickly.
Speaker A:And that's why I have 24 hour care.
Speaker A:So when it comes to being disabled, I'm pretty seriously disabled.
Speaker A:Yet I tend to, I tend to not point that out.
Speaker A:I tend to go to meetings, I speak to people on the phone and I don't even mention it.
Speaker A:I book into restaurants and the people I'm booking in with will say, you did mention you're in a wheelchair.
Speaker A:I have to phone them back and say, oh, by the way, I'm in a wheelchair.
Speaker A:Like I forgot.
Speaker A:But because it's not a focus of my life because I don't spend every day I'm in a wheelchair, I'm disabled.
Speaker A:This is my normal life.
Speaker A:And I am glad we live in a society where we are majorly better catered.
Speaker A:For now, most shops I can get into, most restaurants I can get into most devices nowadays with devices that I cannot name because they'll start talking to me and around my home, Alexa and like Google, if I mention those things out loud, they'll turn lights on for me.
Speaker A:They'll do different things for me around the house.
Speaker A:You know, they'll tell me the time, they'll tell me what's up, they'll tell me it's not going to be long before they tell me how I'm feeling in the morning where you say, good morning, Alexa, how was your day?
Speaker A:And we'll have a discussion about it.
Speaker A:But you have access to that the same as me, voice software, you know, you have it on your phone the same as I do.
Speaker A:Years ago, we had to spend a fortune to get it.
Speaker A:You know, I was a big trialer of that.
Speaker A:I use an electric wheelchair.
Speaker A:You guys are now paying a premium to have electric vehicles.
Speaker A:Catch up.
Speaker A:Come on, we've been paying a premium for years.
Speaker A:We've been saving the planet for you.
Speaker A:No, I'm joking, I'm joking.
Speaker A:I know you've been saving the planet better than we have because you can walk, but isn't it funny?
Speaker A:I put this video online and I will put a link on this podcast to the video and my God, I feel alive.
Speaker A:I feel like as if something is like, lifted off me and said, hey, look, this is who I am.
Speaker A:And I've got a tear in my eye now recording this podcast, because I didn't know I was hiding it.
Speaker A:I didn't know I was hiding it.
Speaker A:I had no idea.
Speaker A:And I wonder what we're all hiding.
Speaker A:I wonder how many of us are hiding behind things that we don't see as perfect.
Speaker A:Nobody's perfect.
Speaker A:Perfect does not exist.
Speaker A:If there's any spiritual teachers or gurus out there that tell you the moment is perfect, well, you can write off, because the moment is not perfect.
Speaker A:There's nothing perfect about starving children.
Speaker A:There's nothing perfect about me being paralyzed.
Speaker A:There's nothing perfect about any of us.
Speaker A:But we're all doing okay, and we all can accept ourselves for what we are.
Speaker A:But I wonder how many of us are hiding behind the makeup or hiding behind the gym or hiding behind the diets and hiding behind our careers and this illusion of somebody else.
Speaker A:I wasn't fake.
Speaker A:I wasn't lying.
Speaker A:When I help people and I use my wisdom and my emotional, like, waking up and that kind of all that I, you know, I'm not.
Speaker A:I don't feel I'm fake, but I didn't feel the need to tell the world that I was in a wheelchair.
Speaker A:And I don't feel I need to now.
Speaker A:The world's never asked me to, But I feel by unpeeling that level of layer and exposing it and saying, hey, look, I am seriously, really severely disabled.
Speaker A:It's like something has lifted off me.
Speaker A:And look out, world, I'm here, and this is who I am.
Speaker A:This is who I am.
Speaker A:And you can take it or not.
Speaker A:It's up to you.
Speaker A:I'm not bothered either way.
Speaker A:Look at yourself and see what you're hiding, what you're hiding behind the shame.
Speaker A:And I've got to say thank you to Brenna Brown for this.
Speaker A:I've watched her TED videos over the years, and I've been reading her book Daring Greatly.
Speaker A:And I think this has influenced what I did this morning and how I'm feeling at the moment.
Speaker A:And I didn't know I was hiding behind shame.
Speaker A:Was I being shameful of my disability?
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I didn't feel like I was.
Speaker A:Because I live life to the full.
Speaker A:I love my life.
Speaker A:I love everything about life.
Speaker A:The fact that we're alive and we can think and we have this experience is just incredible.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I'm talking to you on a podcast recorded that potentially millions of people could listen to all over the world.
Speaker A:I'm talking about living deeper lives.
Speaker A:And this is how we live a deeper life, by opening up and becoming who we are and showing the world.
Speaker A:Hey, this is me.
Speaker A:Take it or leave it.
Speaker A:This is me.
Speaker A:Thank you for this.
Speaker A:Thank you for allowing me to have this platform.
Speaker A:Thank you for listening.
Speaker A:Thank you for spending this time with me.
Speaker A:I'm Stephen Webb, and I'm your host of Living Deeper Lives.
Speaker A:And you can head over to my website, StephenWeb.com or if you would like to download my book, Finding Inner Peace, go to Stephen Gift.
Speaker A:Just a simple Stephen dot gift.
Speaker A:Look, I love you guys.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:And if you can leave a review for this podcast, that would be awesome.
