Episode 39
What Is My Best Advice?
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We dive deep into the idea that you can't change the present moment, and that’s a big deal. I share some personal stories that really make you think about how we often fight reality instead of embracing it. It’s all about what we do with our circumstances. I talk about my own journey, especially during tough times, and how I found ways to use my challenges as fuel for growth. So, let’s figure out together how to stop battling with what is and start making the most of it.
My BEST ADVICE... That's what I discuss on this podcast, and what advice I would like you to remember if I don't get the opportunity to ever share another podcast.
Reflecting on how we wish to be remembered can be a powerful exercise. I found myself pondering this after a call, asking what message I want to leave behind. What if this was my final podcast? What would I say? The core of our discussion revolves around finding inner peace, especially in these chaotic times. 2020 has thrown countless challenges at us, and it becomes crucial to look inward for peace rather than relying on the external world. The wisdom I share is centered on the acceptance of the present moment. I learned this lesson during a difficult time in my life when I was bedridden after a serious injury.
During those long days, I realized that fighting against my circumstances was pointless. I couldn't change the fact that I was paralyzed, so I focused more on how I could use that moment to learn, grow, and help others. The main takeaway here is that we often resist the present moment, wishing it were different. I urge listeners to stop that struggle and instead ask themselves what they can do with the current situation. Each moment, good or bad, carries potential for growth if we choose to embrace it. This perspective can change everything.
I also share personal anecdotes from my time in recovery, where small victories became monumental achievements. The process of moving from being immobilized to engaging with life again taught me resilience. My advice is simple: you cannot change the present moment. Instead of wishing for a different reality, focus on how to harness your current situation to make a positive impact. Whether it's overcoming fear or finding purpose in hardship, it's about using the present as a launching pad for your future. So, what will you do with this moment? That's the real question.
Embracing the present can lead to profound changes in our lives. When we surrender to what is, we gain clarity and strength, and we can start to build the life we want from there. So, let's shift our mindset from resistance to acceptance and explore how we can turn our challenges into opportunities for meaningful growth.
As I wrap up this reflection, I hope to inspire others to think about the legacy they want to leave behind. Let's make it one of empowerment and resilience. We have the power to guide our lives, even when circumstances feel overwhelming. Let's embrace our stories and turn them into something impactful.
Takeaways:
- You cannot change the present moment, so focus on what you can do with it.
- Accepting the present moment gives you the power to create positive changes in your life.
- When faced with challenges, ask yourself how you can use them to improve your situation.
- Every defining moment in life can be seen as an opportunity for growth and learning.
- Stop wishing for things to be different; instead, make the most of what you have right now.
- Embrace fear as a source of information that can help guide your actions moving forward.
Transcript
So I was on a call earlier on, and I was just after their call, I thought, well, how would I like them to remember me?
Speaker A:How would I like them to.
Speaker A:What Takeaway from me being part of their call?
Speaker A:Would I like them to remember?
Speaker A:And it really got me thinking, what if I did?
Speaker A:What would my last podcast be?
Speaker A:What would I talk about?
Speaker A:So this podcast is.
Speaker A:If this was going to be my last podcast.
Speaker A:Hi, I'm Stephen Webb and this is Stillness in the Storms.
Speaker A:And hopefully this podcast will give you a little more inner peace in life, you know, especially when you haven't got it and you need it most.
Speaker A: And in this time,: Speaker A:So, you know, a podcast that gives you a little more inner peace from the inside rather than trying to expect the external world to give you the inner peace cannot harm anybody.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:So what advice would I have?
Speaker A:What could my life teach you?
Speaker A:What could.
Speaker A:Whatever I've learned in my life, what could I teach you to give you a better or more improved life?
Speaker A:The one bit of advice that I think I would leave you is that you cannot change this present moment.
Speaker A:That's, you know, it seems obvious, but yet we spend so much of our time fighting the present moment.
Speaker A:I remember when I, shortly after I broke my neck and after I come out of intensive care and I spent a good part of six months lying on my back in hospital.
Speaker A:And while I was lying on my back in hospital doing very little, you know, we had the routine.
Speaker A:They would come in and turn the lights on in the morning and they would get the people out of bed that had to go to physio and different things.
Speaker A:And then the people on bed rest that were basically still too acute to get out of bed, they would then be washed and they would come over and they'd wash me and they roll me onto one side, wash my back, roll me the other way, change the sheets, and I would make me comfortable for the day.
Speaker A:The physio would come a couple hours later.
Speaker A:And apart from that, it was a pretty uneventful day.
Speaker A:The most eventful things were, you know, perhaps what happened on the telly or something like that.
Speaker A:And we didn't have loads of channels then.
Speaker A:It was like four channels and a portable TV with a video slot underneath side of the bed.
Speaker A:We didn't really have an awful lot to entertain ourselves.
Speaker A:So I spent most of the day either sleeping or contemplating and thinking about the future.
Speaker A:I didn't spend an awful lot of time thinking about my accident and whether I like regretting it, thinking, I wish I hadn't done that.
Speaker A:I was really looking at the other patients in the mirror.
Speaker A:And this mirror was on top of a drip stand, and it was angled at 45 degrees so I could look in the mirror and see the nurse's station.
Speaker A:I could see the tv.
Speaker A:And that was about it, because I was flat on my back.
Speaker A:And on top of my head was a halo that was bolted in above my eyes and above my ears to keep my neck straight.
Speaker A:And it was attached to some string that was attached to the top of the bed that had 15 pounds of weight hanging off the top of it.
Speaker A:So there's no way I could move my neck.
Speaker A:Forget the fact it was broke at the time as well.
Speaker A:Probably wasn't a good idea.
Speaker A:And for the first few weeks, I couldn't even move my arms until the swelling went down a little bit and I could.
Speaker A:I got a little bit of movement in my arms, and for the first time, I could scratch my face, but I still didn't get the feeling or movement back in my hands.
Speaker A:So that was the level of what I got back.
Speaker A:So I was lying in bed.
Speaker A:And I often think, what would be the best piece of advice that someone could come and give me in that moment?
Speaker A:And I think the advice I would like to have heard in that moment was, and I would not have liked this advice.
Speaker A:In actual fact, I'd have probably wanted to give him a few choice words.
Speaker A:But the fact that I had a trackie in my throat, if you see this video on YouTube, there's a hole in my throat, and anybody that sees me on my lives, you'll see that I got a hole in my throat.
Speaker A:That's where a tracheotomy was put in.
Speaker A:Because my lungs filled up so much with fluid from the swimming pool that they had to keep putting.
Speaker A:I couldn't cough it off.
Speaker A:I did not have my intercostal muscles to cough it up.
Speaker A:So my lungs fill up with fluid.
Speaker A:And of course, when your lungs are full of something, your body naturally builds more fluid to get that fluid off.
Speaker A:Kind of drowns you, really.
Speaker A:You know, the body is quite wise, but it isn't always brilliant.
Speaker A:So they would put little plastic, like straw things down through that hole to just suck off some of it when I couldn't cough it.
Speaker A:But the problem with that is I couldn't talk.
Speaker A:So even if someone come and give me this advice, the best I could do is look back at him.
Speaker A:And go one tap for yes or two taps for no.
Speaker A:So I wouldn't have been able to tell him to F off or anything like that anyway.
Speaker A:But the best possible advice I could probably have got, and it would have had the greatest impact on my life, would have been, say you're paralyzed.
Speaker A:What are you going to do with it?
Speaker A:And if you think about it, every single moment is what it is.
Speaker A:What are you gonna do with it?
Speaker A:It's no good.
Speaker A:Been on the spiritual journey and going, yeah, well, everything is what it is and we can't do anything about it.
Speaker A:And we just need to accept everything and be happy in love and love the world.
Speaker A:Whether it's good or bad.
Speaker A:None of them exist.
Speaker A:Oh, my God, get out of that.
Speaker A:You know, that's not a spiritual journey.
Speaker A:That's not improving yourself.
Speaker A:Waking up, that's living in some kind of denial, you know, and trust me, it'll bite you on the ass soon anyway.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:But if we look at the present moment as exactly what it is, and we accept that, we cannot change the present moment.
Speaker A:I couldn't change the fact I was lying in bed paralyzed.
Speaker A:I couldn't do anything about it.
Speaker A:Know all the willpower in the world, all the meditation, all that wouldn't have done shit to changing that really wouldn't have done.
Speaker A:So it's the intention of what you do with it.
Speaker A:So therefore, one of the things I did do shortly after I got out of bed, it sounds like I just got out of bed.
Speaker A:Believe me, that day, getting out of bed was one of the hardest days of my life.
Speaker A:I was out of bed for 15 minutes and I said, no problem, I'll do an hour.
Speaker A:On my first day, no chance.
Speaker A:I'd done 15 minutes.
Speaker A:And I was like, yeah, I'm ready to go back to bed.
Speaker A:And they said, you'll sleep well.
Speaker A:I was like, maybe asleep for a couple hours.
Speaker A:I slept for 24 hours.
Speaker A:First time I got out of bed in six months, 15 minutes, I was sat in a chair.
Speaker A:They put me back on the bed, and I slept for 24 hours.
Speaker A:Never woke up.
Speaker A:Whoa.
Speaker A:But anyway, I'm going off topic.
Speaker A:So one of the first times I got out of bed, I had the opportunity to talk to a group of nurses in training and me, Alan and Jason.
Speaker A:It was like a comedy sketch.
Speaker A:It really was.
Speaker A:It was hilarious.
Speaker A:You got this room full of seats that they went up in tiers, and there was only one door in and one door out.
Speaker A:And because I was still in the spunion, I had no electric wheelchair.
Speaker A:So it was like a manual chair and I could only push it along the flat and it was very, very.
Speaker A:It just wasn't pretty, it wasn't elegant like a normal paraplegic would be, because my arms are paralyzed and I did not have my triceps at a time.
Speaker A:I had an operation later on to have my triceps reattached in.
Speaker A:In a different kind of way, but that's a whole different show.
Speaker A:And so I was pushing the wheelchair in and the three of us were similar tetraplegic at similar levels.
Speaker A:We broke our necks in a similar way and Alan was first and I was second and Jason was third and he pushed through the door and he stopped and I went into the back of him and Jason went into the back of me and then Alan went further forward a little bit and then Jason nudged me forward.
Speaker A:Ah, and then trying to turn around.
Speaker A:It wasn't this synchronous swimming act where all three of us went in the same way and all three of us turned to the audience?
Speaker A:No, it really wasn't.
Speaker A:As Alan started turning around really slowly, I could barely turn around.
Speaker A:Jason was behind me laughing.
Speaker A:And this was the first time we were ever talking in front of anybody being paralyzed.
Speaker A:And ah, it was just, you know, if it was a comedy routine, we would never have pulled it off so brilliantly, you know, I wish we had it on film.
Speaker A:I wish cameras existed then.
Speaker A:And then someone come up with it one day and say, this is what you did.
Speaker A:But I spoke about swimming and about how we can prevent people breaking their necks and breaking their backs and things like that.
Speaker A:Normally breaking necks in swimming pools, sports and other sports and all that are normally breaking backs like horse riding and stuff.
Speaker A:But normally in a swimming pool, diving, it's normally normally one of your sea cervical bones in your neck.
Speaker A:I spoke about that and when I left that route, one of them came down to the ward a couple hours later and said, look, we've just had like a little whip around.
Speaker A:We've raised like £12 because we want to help you start your campaign when you get home to.
Speaker A:To stop other people breaking their necks and put up some kind of signs in Switzerland Portal.
Speaker A:Well, it kind of didn't happen, you know, I didn't come out for about another six months.
Speaker A:I'm not quite sure what happened to the money or whatever, but this was 30 years ago.
Speaker A:Don't judge me.
Speaker A:It probably went to a good use.
Speaker A:Get me wrong, I've done plenty of good since then.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:What it did give me, it gave me A sense of feeling.
Speaker A:I could do something with this.
Speaker A:I could use my disability, my position.
Speaker A:I could use this moment to make a difference.
Speaker A:So that advice by somebody coming in and stood next to the bed and going, do you know?
Speaker A:Yeah, you're paralyzed.
Speaker A:What are you going to do with it?
Speaker A:We all have those defining moments in life where we're knocked on our ass, we're really dumped in trouble, whether it's bankruptcy, whether it's losing your job, whether it's been cheated on, whether it's been abused or anything like that.
Speaker A:And please don't get me wrong, I don't wish any of these things on anybody.
Speaker A:But what I'm saying is, if something happens, look at it as what can I do with this?
Speaker A:What can I use it for?
Speaker A:How can I use it as the fuel and the motivation to do something about it in life?
Speaker A:And I think that's what my last podcast would be about.
Speaker A:You cannot change the present moment.
Speaker A:There's nothing you can do about it.
Speaker A:The present moment's already here.
Speaker A:It's like asking something to do magic.
Speaker A:It doesn't exist.
Speaker A:It doesn't happen.
Speaker A:Five year old children want you to do magic.
Speaker A:Change the color of the T shirt, change the flavor of the ice cream.
Speaker A:We're older than that.
Speaker A:So when we realize we cannot change the present moment, we then take away or that we then gain the power back from the present moment.
Speaker A:We gain everything we need from the present moment and use it as the motivation.
Speaker A:Use it as the beginning of your legacy.
Speaker A:If something bad's happened, what can you do to stop that happening to somebody else?
Speaker A:What can you do to drive your.
Speaker A:To make sure you don't go back there again?
Speaker A:What can you do if you're in a bad relationship to stop your children being in a bad relationship?
Speaker A:See, moments don't have to repeat, but you cannot change the present moment.
Speaker A:And I think that's what I would like everybody to know.
Speaker A:Stop fighting with the present moment.
Speaker A:And I don't just mean the situation outside you, I mean internally.
Speaker A:If you're feeling lonely in the present moment, okay, if you're feeling depressed or feeling anxious, okay, ask the question, why am I feeling like this?
Speaker A:What can I do with it?
Speaker A:Fear.
Speaker A:Everybody wants to get rid of fear.
Speaker A:Why?
Speaker A:Fear is amazing.
Speaker A:Fear is brilliant.
Speaker A:It's the information.
Speaker A:It's saving your life.
Speaker A:So what you can do is go, ah, I'm fearful.
Speaker A:How can I use it?
Speaker A:How can I use it as a catalyst to improve my life?
Speaker A:You know, how can I use it as a driving force so whether it's a thought, whether it's a feeling, an emotion, a situation outside of you, whether it's a situation with somebody else, what can you do in this moment with intention to improve it?
Speaker A:That's what I would like you to remember.
Speaker A:That's what I would like you.
Speaker A:Because I think that's the one thing that will change your life more than anything else is stop fighting with the present moment.
Speaker A:You're gonna lose.
Speaker A:Not most of the time, you will lose every single time if you're trying to change the present moment.
Speaker A:And what I mean by trying to change the present moment is wishing it was not the way it is.
Speaker A:I wish I was slimmer, I wish I was taller.
Speaker A:I wish I was prettier.
Speaker A:I wish I had more money.
Speaker A:I wish I lived there.
Speaker A:I wish I was still with them.
Speaker A:I wish I had that job.
Speaker A:I wish I did this, I wish I did that.
Speaker A:Get rid of those.
Speaker A:I wish I had.
Speaker A:I wish I did.
Speaker A:I wish I was.
Speaker A:Get rid of those because none of them will serve you in any way.
Speaker A:If I lied in that bed for 12 months and I said to myself every single day, I wish I hadn't dived into that pool.
Speaker A:I wish I was able bodied, I wish I wasn't in this bed, what would that have done?
Speaker A:What would that have done for my life?
Speaker A:I would still be wishing I wasn't paralysed, but guess what?
Speaker A:I still paralyzed, I'd still be paralyzed, I'd still be in that bed, I would still be in that position.
Speaker A:Even if you wish, even if you sit there and praise the gods and you do all the chanting and law of attraction and everything, you do all of those things, you're still not going to change the present moment.
Speaker A:That's the reality.
Speaker A:So instead of trying to change the present moment or wishing the present moment wasn't the way it is, what can you do with the present moment?
Speaker A:How can you use it to your advantage?
Speaker A:What can you do differently?
Speaker A:If you don't like the present moment, what can you do differently to prevent it?
Speaker A:If you do like the present moment, enjoy the present moment.
Speaker A:Because trust me, it's going to be gone.
Speaker A:That's one thing for sure.
Speaker A:Nothing freezes, everything changes.
Speaker A:So whatever, you cannot change the present moment.
Speaker A:I'm Stephen Webb.
Speaker A:This is Stillness in the Storms and this was if it's the last podcast I ever do, this is what it would be.
Speaker A:You cannot change the present moment.
Speaker A:What are you going to do with it?
Speaker A:That's my question.
Speaker A:To click on the follow click on the subscribe.
Speaker A:If you can leave a review for this podcast, that'd be brilliant.
Speaker A:I want this podcast to be huge and I want everybody to listen to it.
Speaker A:And I want everybody to know the wisdom and the advice in this podcast because, hey, I'm a little biased.
Speaker A:Take care guys.
Speaker A:I love you guys.
Speaker A:Thank you for listening and see you next week.
Speaker A:Bye.
Speaker A:Sat.
