Episode 31
Why the 'Spiritual Journey' WILL NOT Reduce Your Suffering
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We're diving deep into the idea that if you're struggling and looking to ease your suffering, a spiritual journey might not be the answer. I share my own experience of hitting rock bottom and how I realized that chasing spiritual growth only led to more suffering. We talk about how often we replace one kind of suffering with another, thinking we’re on the path to enlightenment. Instead of focusing on grand spiritual goals, I suggest taking small steps each day to reduce your suffering. Join me as we explore practical ways to find a little more peace in our lives without getting caught up in the pitfalls of spiritual attachment.
Even before we realised we embark on the spiritual journey, we want to reduce our suffering. Let's talk about reducing suffering rather than the spiritual journey, and perhaps we might get somewhere.
This episode tackles the intricate relationship between suffering and the spiritual journey, sharing insights drawn from personal experience. I reflect on how the quest for enlightenment can sometimes replace one form of suffering with another, particularly when we become fixated on outcomes rather than the present moment. Listeners are invited to explore the reality that many of our struggles stem from internal expectations rather than external circumstances. Through my own story, I illustrate how a desire for spiritual growth can lead to disillusionment if not approached thoughtfully.
The discussion pivots towards actionable advice on how to navigate through life's challenges without the added expectations of spiritual success. I emphasize recognizing the sources of our suffering, whether they are emotional, physical, or mental, and taking responsibility for our healing process. By focusing on small, manageable changes in our daily lives, we can begin to alleviate suffering without the pressure of achieving a 'perfect' spiritual state. This episode encourages listeners to embrace their humanity and acknowledge that suffering is a natural part of life, but it doesn't have to be the end of the story.
Ultimately, the message is about finding balance—between striving for personal growth and accepting where we are in the moment. By understanding that our thoughts can shape our reality, we can cultivate a mindset that fosters peace and resilience. This episode serves as a reminder that the journey to inner peace is not about reaching a destination but about the steps we take along the way.
Takeaways:
- Embarking on a spiritual journey might just add more suffering to your life.
- Finding inner peace is about reducing suffering, not chasing enlightenment or happiness.
- Realizing that most of my suffering comes from my own actions was a big breakthrough.
- Improving by just 1% each day can lead to significant changes over time.
Transcript
Just a word of warning.
Speaker A:If you want to replace your suffering, do not embark on a spiritual journey.
Speaker A:I'm Steven Webb and this is Stillness in the Storms.
Speaker A:And I help you to find a little more inner peace in life.
Speaker A:I help to reduce your suffering so you can actually enjoy the freedoms of being who you are and, well, enjoy your life a little more rather than suffering.
Speaker A:And on this podcast, I'm going to talk about, you know, when we embark on that spiritual journey and when we become attached to the spiritual journey and then we end up with more suffering, adding suffering to our lives.
Speaker A:And I want to talk about an alternative to this focus of waking up and spiritual journey and the spiritual growth or personal growth.
Speaker A:The.
Speaker A:But just before that, I want to say thank you.
Speaker A:Thank you to my patrons and thank you to my supporters on Facebook.
Speaker A:I now have supporter status on Facebook, so you can click on my Facebook page and click support and you can head over to my website called it's the end of the day and I'm tired.
Speaker A:For some reason.
Speaker A:It's quite warm around here at the moment.
Speaker A:Well, it could be summer, actually.
Speaker A:For some reason, it's quite warm.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:See, just talking without thinking.
Speaker A:Don't we all do that?
Speaker A:Well, it's warm around here and it's summer.
Speaker A:That's why it's warm and that's why I'm not sleeping brilliantly.
Speaker A:But I'm.
Speaker A:It's the end of the day, it's seven o' clock and I'm recording a podcast.
Speaker A:Normally I have more energy in the morning now.
Speaker A:I must remember to do it.
Speaker A:But anyway, right, let's get back to the podcast.
Speaker A:Let's get back to what I was talking about.
Speaker A:Yes, you can head over to stephenweb.com where there's meditations available.
Speaker A:There's all kinds of things available for you to have a little more inner peace in life.
Speaker A:You know, this podcast will help you to skip that subtle suffering.
Speaker A:You know, I did it when I wanted to reduce my suffering.
Speaker A:I. I embarked on what now?
Speaker A:In quote, spiritual journey.
Speaker A:And really I realized I was just replacing more suffering with more suffering.
Speaker A:So this podcast is going to tell you what not to do if you, if you want to reduce your suffering, don't embark on a spiritual journey.
Speaker A:That's a separate thing.
Speaker A:So I think the best place to start is my story.
Speaker A:You would think my biggest challenge in life would have been overcoming being paralyzed when I broke my neck at 18.
Speaker A:The 12 months lying in bed and getting out of bed and fighting back and living my life and you'd have thought that would have been my biggest challenge.
Speaker A:It really wasn't.
Speaker A:It really wasn't.
Speaker A:My biggest challenge was when I hit my rock bottom.
Speaker A:I was 40 years old and I was in town and I can't remember why I went in town, but I went into Boots in the UK and it was a busy, busy store.
Speaker A:They sell all kinds of, what would you call it?
Speaker A:Well, being products, but they sell everything from medicines to toothpaste to anything that makes you smell nice look good.
Speaker A:Anyway, I'm doing an advert for them now.
Speaker A:They're not sponsoring me.
Speaker A:I could do with some sponsors.
Speaker A:Anyway, I was in.
Speaker A:I come across coming up to the doorway and my wheelchair just grind to a halt and stopped And I looked down and there was a black mark on the floor and a wire had gone around the axle.
Speaker A:My left wheel, the tire had a hole in it and it started to go down and I couldn't drive back or forward.
Speaker A:I was about 3 meters from the door and security guard standing on a little platform just to my left in front of me.
Speaker A:And I started crying.
Speaker A:I just didn't know what to do anymore.
Speaker A:And I was.
Speaker A:My eyes were.
Speaker A:I just let it all out.
Speaker A:I was bawling my eyes out and.
Speaker A:Yeah, I'm a man, I'm a crier.
Speaker A:Okay, you know, that's all right.
Speaker A:You know, I, I cry at emotional adverts, I cry at films, I cry when the lead character falls out of love and all that.
Speaker A:You know, I'm an emotional person.
Speaker A:You know, I'm a man and I cry.
Speaker A:You know, I'm Stephen Webb and I have.
Speaker A:I cry meanwhile.
Speaker A:So I sat in the doorway and I was crying and this, the security guard walked over to me and stood next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder and just give that gentle reassurance squeeze.
Speaker A:And it was enough for me to just feel at ease.
Speaker A:I'm not sure whether he was an absolutely Zen master genius in knowing how to comfort someone or he just really didn't know what to say.
Speaker A:It's probably the latter, but I was so grateful for.
Speaker A:And after what seemed like a few minutes, he let go my shoulder.
Speaker A:It's probably 10 seconds, but he let go of my shoulder.
Speaker A:And so how can I help?
Speaker A:And I said, well, I just got to find my friend and we'll get him down to help me.
Speaker A:So I, I phoned Allan, my friend, and he came down with my sister and they drag the chair out the back.
Speaker A:So busy.
Speaker A:There were so many people.
Speaker A:It was like a Friday or Saturday afternoon, I cannot remember which.
Speaker A:And it was a sunny day and there were so many people in the street.
Speaker A:And here I was bawling my eyes out, my face was a mess.
Speaker A:And they pushed me into the back of the van.
Speaker A:You know, I got home and I managed to get it in through the house and I had no money, I had no way of getting it fixed.
Speaker A:I didn't know what I was gonna do.
Speaker A:I found myself.
Speaker A:I was single, I was not sleeping, I was desperate and I was hurting and I was, what can I say?
Speaker A:I was suffering.
Speaker A:I was suffering so bad at that time.
Speaker A:And it wasn't one single thing.
Speaker A:It was loads of things that just got on top of me, one thing after another.
Speaker A:It was like as if for months I'd been teetering on the edge of a cliff.
Speaker A:And suddenly that one thing in town, that was, it pushed me over.
Speaker A:And for ages I was ordering stuff off Amazon with a spare 2% on the credit card that I just paid off my minimum 2% payment just for little pick me ups.
Speaker A:I was drinking in order to go sleep.
Speaker A:I was messaging friends at night, hey, how are you?
Speaker A:Hi, I'm seniors in school.
Speaker A:You know, I thought I was being sociable.
Speaker A:I thought I was like, hey, look at me, I've been awesomely sociable.
Speaker A:No, I was lonely.
Speaker A:I was lonely, I was desperate, I was miserable and I was suffering and I had to do something about it.
Speaker A:And after a couple of weeks of drinking alcohol just to go sleep, it never really worked.
Speaker A:I wake up two hours later and because I got carers to do everything, because I'm paralyzed, I, I couldn't call a carer at 2 o' clock in the morning and said, oh, can you pour me another glass of Southern Comfort, please?
Speaker A:That would have been embarrassing and wrong.
Speaker A:That's not what they're here for.
Speaker A:So after a couple of weeks, I realized my ways.
Speaker A:I realized the dangerous direction I was going in and I found a book.
Speaker A:James Allen, as a man thinketh.
Speaker A:And because I hadn't read anything since I was like 7 years old when I was diagnosed dyslexia, I just didn't think reading was really something that was accessible to me.
Speaker A:So it took me so long to read this book, I was literally reading a paragraph again and again and again.
Speaker A:And my, my dyslexia is not understanding what I read.
Speaker A:And it wasn't picked up for a long time.
Speaker A:I would literally read a page in a book and if anybody had asked me, what did you just read?
Speaker A:What was the main character?
Speaker A:What was the emphasis, what was the context of it?
Speaker A:I wouldn't have known.
Speaker A:I would have had no idea.
Speaker A:So it wasn't really picked up until people realized that I was unable to copy off the board at school.
Speaker A:So the teacher would write down the board and then I was reading off the board and what I was writing wasn't what was on the board.
Speaker A:And the teacher, Mrs. Heyband, started to ask me questions.
Speaker A:And so, yeah, I was diagnosed.
Speaker A: That was in: Speaker A:So they didn't know what to do with people that was dyslexic at the time.
Speaker A:It was just, you know, it was a new thing.
Speaker A:And I just had extra reading classes, classes, classes.
Speaker A:And it didn't really make a lot of difference.
Speaker A:I didn't believe that I could read, so I didn't.
Speaker A:So I read this book and it was enough to close down my thoughts temporarily.
Speaker A:And the main message from this book was, you're not what you think and question your thoughts, and just because you have a thought, it doesn't make it true.
Speaker A:And they're great.
Speaker A:They were brilliant bits of wisdom.
Speaker A:And I started to live to that.
Speaker A:But then I started looking into these things a bit more, and all these books were telling me to meditate.
Speaker A:Well, I couldn't meditate because I couldn't switch my mind off, which I now know that's hocus pocus, you know, it's not about switching your mind off.
Speaker A:But I believed I couldn't meditate.
Speaker A:So all these options were not open to me.
Speaker A:Then I met a couple of teachers and I read Eckhart Tolle's book, I read a few other people's books, and I got into meditation.
Speaker A:It was working.
Speaker A:And here's the problem.
Speaker A:After about a year or so of this working that I was improving myself, I started suffering again.
Speaker A:Not to the extent I suffered before.
Speaker A:It was more subtle than that.
Speaker A:You know, my life was much better.
Speaker A:I was better meditating, I was more calmer.
Speaker A:I wasn't lashing out at different things.
Speaker A:So my life was a big improvement.
Speaker A:But I started to suffer relative to how I was doing.
Speaker A:I was no longer improving.
Speaker A:I was suffering.
Speaker A:So again, I had to look at why I was suffering.
Speaker A:Well, it was because I embarked on a nice spiritual journey.
Speaker A:And the spiritual journey meant you had to do things a certain way.
Speaker A:I had to do it the way teachers said it.
Speaker A:Meditate more, meditate this many hours, do this, do this a certain way.
Speaker A:This spiritual journey means more compassionate, more understanding.
Speaker A:It means you got to love people, you got.
Speaker A:And you know what I was getting so attached to this spiritual journey that I thought that once I just embark on this spiritual journey, when I get to the end of the road, I will be awake and wise and I would be a Zen master.
Speaker A:I would be enlightened.
Speaker A:I would be all these things.
Speaker A:So the problem is, I started to suffer again.
Speaker A:I suffered because I didn't have what I wanted.
Speaker A:You know, when I hit my rock bottom, I wanted the end to suffering.
Speaker A:I got a long way there when I started out just reducing my suffering.
Speaker A:But then when reducing my suffering and when I was feeling a lot better, that wasn't enough.
Speaker A:So then I wanted to make the reduced suffering into happiness and joy and blissfulness and enlightenment.
Speaker A:So I embarked on the journey only to find more suffering along the way, because I was then focused again on what I didn't have in that shop doorway.
Speaker A:I didn't have happiness, and I just wanted to be happy on the spiritual journey.
Speaker A:I wanted enlightenment, and I was unhappy because I didn't have that.
Speaker A:So this is why I say, look, if you're suffering in life and you're really finding it hard to get through days, waking up in the morning and getting your head off the pillow, and you go to bed at night and you're going for the things you did wrong that day or things you would like it to be, and you're just basically feeling damn miserable, or you're tired, or you're just struggling or fed up, don't look to a spiritual journey or spiritual teachers.
Speaker A:They may give you a little bit of hand.
Speaker A:They may point you in the right direction.
Speaker A:The irony is exactly what I'm doing now.
Speaker A:But let's ignore the irony and the BS and all that rubbish for the moment.
Speaker A:Just look at your life and think, where am I suffering most?
Speaker A:Where does my suffering come from?
Speaker A:And when I did that, after a few weeks of reading as a man thinketh, I realized most of my suffering come from me.
Speaker A:You know?
Speaker A:Yes, even my wheelchair breaking.
Speaker A:How could my wheelchair breaking be me?
Speaker A:Well, I'd ignored the exposed wires for weeks on the hope they would go away.
Speaker A:I was shopping on Amazon, building up my debt, not paying my bills.
Speaker A:I was not eating healthy.
Speaker A:I was eating takeaways just to improve my day.
Speaker A:And so, yes, my health, my tiredness, my not sleeping, my debt, and all that was my fault.
Speaker A:And don't get me wrong, you can suddenly look up and go, oh, that's why I'm suffering.
Speaker A:Let's all change it.
Speaker A:And suddenly I'll be wealthy and happy and spiritually embraced no, you won't be.
Speaker A:But if you can reduce your suffering 1% today, I'm not going to talk to myself negatively.
Speaker A:And if that improves this moment, brilliant, you've done it.
Speaker A:And now tomorrow, improve yourself another 1%, and the next day another 1%.
Speaker A:You know, eat an apple improves you 1%.
Speaker A:You know, if you want to be healthier, drink more water.
Speaker A:You know, drink a couple of glasses of water in the morning and the afternoon, just improve.
Speaker A:Just, you know, I don't even like saying just 1% because it becomes an arbitrary figure.
Speaker A:Just each day, reduce your suffering a little more each time.
Speaker A:Focus on reducing suffering and bringing more normalness to your life.
Speaker A:Because suffering is not normal.
Speaker A:Suffering is below normal.
Speaker A:Bring more normal into your life because, you know, I think I've done a podcast on the happiness line.
Speaker A:You know, I really urge you to check that out.
Speaker A:I'll put a link underneath this podcast to the happiness line, but to a brief, to briefly say what the happiness line is.
Speaker A:You got a line across the middle of.
Speaker A:Middle of the page.
Speaker A:That is your mundane line.
Speaker A:That's doing your hoovering.
Speaker A:That's getting out of bed in the morning.
Speaker A:That's just doing.
Speaker A:Going to work.
Speaker A:Doing the normal things in life that don't necessarily make you happy, but they ain't gonna hurt you either.
Speaker A:You know, the things that need doing.
Speaker A:Changing the quilt.
Speaker A:Unless you have a fetish for changing quilts, then that's above the line.
Speaker A:I have a fetish for clean quilts, and I'm very aware the Americans don't know what I'm talking about when I talk about quilts.
Speaker A:I'm talking about that really big fluffy thing we put on the top of beds that have a cover on them.
Speaker A:That's a quilt.
Speaker A:Duvet.
Speaker A:Duvet, quilt, whatever it is.
Speaker A:But who doesn't like going to bed with a nice clean quilt and a clean pillow?
Speaker A:Anyway, I digress.
Speaker A:Yeah, I like tangents, but just not for very long.
Speaker A:So if you want to reduce your suffering, just think about, why am I suffering?
Speaker A:How can I reduce it just a little bit each day?
Speaker A:Forget the spiritual journey.
Speaker A:Forget any kind of concepts of enlightenment or blissfulness or things.
Speaker A:You know, if you want bliss, go to a concert, have bliss for a couple of hours, and recognize that's an experience of great or just a great experience.
Speaker A:It's not where you can live because you cannot live there.
Speaker A:It's like expecting to have intimacy with someone and feeling that really big high and then expecting that high to be constant all the time.
Speaker A:No, that's not Life, Life's not going to be like that.
Speaker A:There are things to enjoy.
Speaker A:But when your suffering is caused by you simply because you're blaming everybody else or you're blaming your circumstances, when you can reduce your suffering a little bit every day, just do that.
Speaker A:Grab a pen and piece of paper.
Speaker A:What one thing will you do in the next two hours that will reduce your suffering?
Speaker A:That simple.
Speaker A:Forget concepts, forget all the bs.
Speaker A:Forget all the other things that, oh, just read this book and you will feel wonderful and brilliant.
Speaker A:I'm not saying don't read those books.
Speaker A:I'm just saying don't read.
Speaker A:Become attached to them.
Speaker A:Don't replace your attachment to reducing your suffering to attachment to wanting some kind of enlightenment or something.
Speaker A:It doesn't exist.
Speaker A:It's not somewhere to get to.
Speaker A:You're not going to suddenly go, well, hey, I'm enlightened, happy, live happily ever after.
Speaker A:It's not.
Speaker A:It.
Speaker A:It's not something you can get to.
Speaker A:You can have an enlightened action just like you can have a nice cup of coffee.
Speaker A:I was an enlightened and coffee are the same before you want to become a cup of coffee.
Speaker A:I'm just saying it's an action, it's an experience.
Speaker A:It's something that you can do in a moment.
Speaker A:An enlightened action is not adding fuel to the fire.
Speaker A:An enlightened action is not increasing the suffering for yourself or somebody else in the moment.
Speaker A:An enlightened action, skillful action, skillful means.
Speaker A:But forget all that.
Speaker A:Just how can you reduce your suffering and don't replace it with the spiritual journey.
Speaker A:I'm Stephen Webb, your host and this is Stillness in the Storms.
Speaker A:And if you're enjoying this podcast, please share it.
Speaker A:I want to grow.
Speaker A:I want to grow my audience.
Speaker A:I to want, I want to help more people, I want to reach more people.
Speaker A:And I have some really exciting things happening over the next couple of months that I cannot say now, but I do.
Speaker A:I like so excited about it.
Speaker A:I kind of want to share it with you, but I cannot for the moment because we're just putting the finalized pieces together.
Speaker A:You can head over to my website, StephenWeb.com and you can find free meditations.
Speaker A:You can sign up to my newsletter, weekly Wisdom Newsletter.
Speaker A:You can, yeah, you can do all sorts of things.
Speaker A:Just don't embark on a spiritual journey if you just want to reduce your suffering at the moment.
Speaker A:Take care guys.
Speaker A:I love you.
Speaker A:Thank you for spending this time with me.
Speaker A:Don't forget to bookmark this page.
Speaker A:Leave a review if you can comment, whatever you can do.
Speaker A:All helps me and give me some honest brilliant feedback.
Speaker A:Not honest brilliant feedback.
Speaker A:Honest feedback.
Speaker A:Namaste.
